Watching changes in your parent’s memory, mood, or behavior can stir up worry and uncertainty. Maybe you’ve noticed small things, misplaced items, forgotten appointments, or repeated questions, that leave you wondering if it’s just normal aging or something more.
It’s not easy to face the possibility of dementia, and many families feel unsure about what steps to take next.
The hardest part is often deciding how to bring up the subject and where to turn for help. But here’s the reassurance: you don’t have to navigate this alone.
There are clear steps you can take to get your parent evaluated for dementia, and doing so early can provide answers, support, and treatment options that make a real difference.
This guide will walk you through the process, from recognizing concerning signs to finding the right professionals, so you can approach this with clarity and compassion.
Quick Rundown: How to Get a Parent Evaluated for Dementia, Peacefully and Effectively
- Spot the Signs Early: Memory lapses, confusion, poor judgment, or mood changes can signal more than normal aging.
- Keep a Log: Document specific incidents with dates and details to help doctors see patterns.
- Begin with PCP: Primary care doctors start the process, then refer to neurologists, geriatricians, or neuropsychologists.
- Expect Multiple Tests: Bloodwork, imaging (CT/MRI), and cognitive exams like MMSE, MoCA, or the Clock Test may be used.
- Rule Out Look-Alikes: Conditions like thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, or depression can mimic dementia but may be treatable.
- Handle Refusal Gently: Frame appointments as “routine checkups,” use “I” statements, and involve trusted allies if needed.
Let’s begin with the first step: observing and documenting the changes you’re seeing.
Step 1: Trust Your Gut – Something Feels Off
You may have noticed your parent:
- Repeating the same questions or stories
- Getting lost in familiar places
- Having trouble managing money or paying bills
- Misplacing things and not being able to retrace steps
- Showing mood swings or personality changes
These are not just “senior moments.” These may be early signs of mild cognitive impairment (MCI) or dementia.
Other red flags include:
- Struggling to follow a conversation
- Forgetting names of people they’ve known for years
- Becoming socially withdrawn
- Showing poor judgment
If you’ve spotted one or more of these changes, your concern is valid.
❓How can I track and document memory changes before the appointment?
💬 Start a simple log at home. Note what you observe, including dates, times, and triggers (e.g., “Mom forgot her sister called this morning” or “Dad repeated the same question three times in one hour”). This documentation helps doctors make a more accurate diagnosis and shows patterns over time.
Step 2: Why Early Diagnosis Matters
Getting a proper dementia diagnosis early can help:
- Find out if the cause is treatable (like a vitamin deficiency, thyroid problem, or depression in elderly)
- Start treatment sooner for things like vascular dementia or Alzheimer’s disease
- Plan for safety, care, and legal needs
- Give your parent the best chance to stay independent longer
Waiting too long could mean higher risk of falls, wandering, or serious money mistakes. An evaluation helps everyone know what’s really going on.
❓Can other conditions look like dementia but aren’t?
💬 Yes, vitamin B12 deficiency, thyroid problems, urinary tract infections (UTIs), medication side effects, and even depression can mimic dementia symptoms. That’s why getting a full medical evaluation is so important, some conditions are treatable and reversible if caught early.
Step 3: How To Talk With Your Parent About Memory Concerns
Many older adults get defensive or scared when memory loss is mentioned. It helps to approach the conversation with love, not blame.
Try this:
“Dad, I’ve noticed a few changes lately. I love you, and I just want to make sure everything’s okay. Would you be willing to talk to your doctor?”
Tips for a calm talk:
- Pick a quiet, private time
- Use “I” statements like “I’m concerned”
- Avoid saying “You’re losing it”
- Don’t force the conversation
If your parent refuses, that’s common. Be patient and try again later.
Step 4: Who Can Do a Dementia Evaluation?
Start with your parent’s primary care physician (PCP). They may do some basic tests and refer you to specialists like:
- A neurologist (brain health)
- A geriatrician (older adult specialist)
- A neuropsychologist (tests brain function in detail)
Ask the doctor for a cognitive screening or memory test.
Some of the tests that you may learn about are as follows:
Alzheimer’s Association Clinical Practice Guidelines: In December 2024, the Alzheimer’s Association released comprehensive guidelines aimed at standardizing the evaluation and diagnosis of cognitive impairments and dementias, including Alzheimer’s disease. These guidelines are designed to assist both primary care and specialist clinicians in implementing a structured diagnostic approach. (source: National Library of Medicine)
Insurances should pay for these tests – Medicare does cover dementia testing but as usual, there are specific conditions to be met. You can read more about Medicare’s coverage of dementia here.
❓Is there a specific age when memory testing should begin?
💬 There’s no set age for dementia screening, but doctors may begin routine cognitive assessments around age 65, especially if memory changes are noticed. If there’s a family history of dementia, it’s a good idea to be more proactive, even starting conversations in the early 60s.
Step 5: What Happens During a Dementia Assessment?
A complete evaluation may include:
- A full medical history and review of symptoms
- Lab tests to rule out other issues
- Brain imaging like a CT scan or MRI
- Cognitive tests
Common Screening Tools:
- MMSE (Mini-Mental State Exam) – checks orientation, recall, and attention
- MoCA (Montreal Cognitive Assessment) – tests short-term memory, language, and problem-solving
- Clock Drawing Test – simple but useful for checking thinking skills
- GPCOG or IQCODE – quick questionnaires to identify memory issues
You can help by writing down what you’ve seen and bringing a medication list to the appointment. If you attend with your parent, be honest about your concerns.
❓What should I do if my parent lives in another state and I can’t attend the evaluation?
💬 If you’re long-distance, you can still be involved. Email or fax a list of your concerns to the doctor ahead of the appointment. Ask if you can join via speakerphone or video call. You can also ask a trusted friend, neighbor, or care manager to attend in person and share updates with you.
Step 6: If Your Parent Refuses Help
It’s not unusual for older adults to say “no” to a memory test. Here are some ideas to make it easier:
- Call it a “wellness check” or “routine visit”
- Say you’re worried and just want peace of mind
- Ask a trusted friend, pastor, or sibling to talk with them
- Tell the doctor ahead of time so they can bring it up gently
If they still say no, don’t give up. Wait a bit and try again later. Here is some practical advice for assisting elderly parents experiencing memory loss, which can be an early sign of dementia.
❓Should I tell my parent ahead of time that the appointment includes memory testing?
💬 It depends on your parent’s personality and comfort level. Some people feel more anxious if they know. Others prefer to be informed. If you think it will create resistance, call it a routine checkup or focus on health monitoring. You know your parent best, frame it in a way that eases their stress.
Step 7: After the Diagnosis – What Comes Next
If your parent is diagnosed with dementia, there are several things to do next:
Health and Safety:
- Consider a home safety assessment to prevent falls and accidents
- Talk about driving safety and when it might be time to stop
- Review medications to make sure they’re not causing confusion
- Encourage routines, good sleep, and proper nutrition
Legal and Financial Planning:
- Set up power of attorney (POA)
- Update or create a will
- Talk about advance directives
- Make sure bills and bank accounts are manageable
Here’s a very informative video with an elder law attorney talking about wills and trusts.
It’s best to do this while your parent can still help with decisions.
Step 8: Caregiver Support and Community Resources
You can’t do this alone – and you shouldn’t.
Helpful support options include:
- Caregiver support groups (in person or online)
- Respite care if you need a break
- In-home care services for help with daily needs
- Long-term care planning for the future
Great resources:
You can also talk with an elder law attorney for legal advice.
Step 9: Take Care of Yourself, Too
Being the one who steps up is not easy. You may feel tired, guilty, or overwhelmed.
Please know this:
- You are doing your best
- You are not alone
- You deserve rest, too
Find someone to talk to. Ask for help. And give yourself credit – because what you’re doing matters. Caregiver burnout is very real and can severely impede your ability to help your aging parent.
Final Thoughts
Getting an older parent evaluated for dementia isn’t easy. It’s emotional. It’s confusing. But you’re doing it out of love.
As someone who’s helped families and gone through it myself, I want you to know:
You’re not failing your parent by asking questions. You’re helping them live with safety, dignity, and support.
