Dealing with dementia is no easy task.
The cognitive processes of the mind that control verbal communication and the organization of thought and memory are particularly susceptible to deterioration with the progression of the disease.
That’s why it isn’t uncommon for conversations with a person diagnosed with dementia to turn into heated confrontations, angry outbursts, and outright hostility.
It’s difficult sometimes to remember that when speaking to someone with dementia, there are certain things that you should try to avoid saying.
Generally speaking, you should do your best to keep your temper level whenever you are talking to them, especially when they are angry or upset.
Your tone of voice, your gestures, and your conversation should remain as calm and courteous as possible at all times.
You also want to keep your comments and questions as specific as possible and avoid using third person pronouns like “him” or “her”.
Even if you are in the middle of speaking about a specific person, continue using that person’s name.
It may also be helpful to use gestures and point at items and places to draw their attention to something you are talking about.
This can help your elderly loved one to associate what you’re talking about with a physical object.
List Of Phrases To Avoid Saying To Someone With Dementia
Communicating with someone who has dementia requires patience, understanding, and sensitivity.
Here are 20 things you should avoid saying to someone with dementia, as they can cause confusion, distress, or frustration:
- “Do you remember…?” Asking if they remember specific events or people can be frustrating or distressing if they don’t recall.
- “You’re wrong.” Correcting or arguing with them can lead to agitation or embarrassment.
- “I just told you that.” Repeating this can make them feel ashamed or frustrated about their memory loss.
- “You can’t do that; let me.” Taking over tasks they’re still capable of can make them feel useless or dependent.
- “What did you do today?” Open-ended questions can be overwhelming. It’s better to ask yes or no questions or give choices.
- “Your spouse (or another loved one) is dead.” Reminding them about the death of a loved one can make them relive the grief.
- “Let’s not talk about that; it’s not important.” Dismissing their concerns or topics they’re interested in can make them feel invalidated.
- “Try to remember!” This can cause anxiety or stress over their inability to recall.
- “You always…” or “You never…” Generalizations can be confrontational or accusatory.
- “I told you, remember?” This implies they should remember something, which can be frustrating for them.
- “Stop asking that; you just asked.” Repetitive questioning is common, but pointing it out can embarrass or frustrate them.
- “This is your grandchild, don’t you recognize them?” Expecting them to recognize family members can be distressing if they don’t.
- “You used to…” Highlighting past capabilities can remind them of their current limitations.
- “Why can’t you remember?” This can make them feel guilty or deficient for something beyond their control.
- “You’re not making sense.” This can embarrass them or make them reluctant to express themselves.
- “Calm down.” Telling someone to calm down without addressing their feelings can seem dismissive.
- “It’s right there, can’t you see it?” This can make them feel inadequate or frustrated with their perceived shortcomings.
- “That’s not like you.” People with dementia may exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors; pointing it out can be confusing or hurtful.
- “Hurry up.” Rushing them can increase anxiety and decrease their ability to perform tasks.
- “You don’t need help.” Assuming they don’t need assistance can lead to feelings of isolation or failure when tasks become challenging.
When communicating with someone with dementia, it’s crucial to stay positive, use simple language, and focus on their feelings rather than the factual accuracy of what they’re saying.
Always approach conversations with empathy and understanding, aiming to make them feel supported and valued.
