Updated January 30, 2021 – Knowing when and if a move to assisted living community (ALF) is needed for your aging loved one is not easy and recognizing the signs can help with the decision.
Towards the end of my dad’s life, he spent time in the hospital, which left him weak and disoriented. I worried that he now needed more comprehensive long term care than he could get at his senior living community.
So it was important to begin thinking about the possibility of moving to an assisted living. Especially since it was clear that his health care needs would be changing as he grew older.
A decline in health can begin as early as our 50s, according to AARP. Because of this, it can be difficult to actually know when it may be time for your senior loved ones to transition into an assisted living facility.
In my case, my dad was great on some days and not so good on others, which made it tougher for us to make the decision to look into an assisted living facility or other types of housing options.
Just in case you aren’t 100% sure what an assisted living facility is, the National Institute on Aging says, “Assisted living is for people who need help with daily care, but not as much help as a nursing home provides.”
Assisted living residents usually live in their own apartments or rooms and share common areas. They have access to many services, including up to three meals a day; assistance with personal care; help with medications, housekeeping, and laundry; 24-hour supervision, security, and on-site staff; and social and recreational activities. Exact arrangements vary from state to state.National Institute on Aging
Assisted Living vs. Nursing Home – Which One Is Best?
The decision as to whether an ALF or a nursing home is best for your elderly loved one boils down to the amount of hands on care that they may need.
Generally speaking, the most common reasons elders move from assisted living to a nursing home are because of severe cognitive and/or physical decline that requires them to need 24 hour care.
But don’t assume anything – get help from a physician or geriatric care manager.
A nursing home admission makes sense when private home care is unaffordable or if friends or family members are unable to take care of their loved ones.
Residents in assisted living facilities are usually more independent and do not require as much hands on care as those who live in nursing homes.
But, please know that if your loved one is in an ALF, they can pay for a private aide to come in if they need it.
How Do You Know When It’s Time For Assisted Living?
Before making the move, though, keep in mind that assisted living is just one of the housing options available to seniors.
Do some research to be sure that an ALF is the best fit for your aging loved one because they might actually need to live in a skilled nursing facility instead.
Take a look at our Checklist For Aging Parents on what other issues should be discussed with your elderly parent.
But generally speaking, if your senior loved one needs more help with their ADL’s and maintaining a home – an ALF may be just the right fit for them.
Now, let’s take a deeper dive into our list of the 12 signs that indicate it may be time to consider an assisted living type of housing.
12 Signs That It Might Be Time For Assisted Living
These 12 signs are indicators that the time most likely has come to make a change in the living situation from a home or senior living community that your senior loved one is currently in.
1) Needing Help With Activities Of Daily Living Tasks
As adults age, sometimes they can no longer perform the standard activities of daily living (ADLs) that we usually take for granted.
The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services defines these activities of daily living as “… activities related to personal care. They include bathing or showering, dressing, getting in and out of bed or a chair, walking, using the toilet, and eating.”
After my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor, she became wheelchair-bound. The tumor caused her legs to become mostly immobile. She couldn’t put on pants or transfer to the toilet or to the bed without help.
My elderly father was in his early nineties at the time and wasn’t strong enough to help her, so we arranged for an aide to come in to help. If Mom had lived alone, it would have clearly been time to move her into assisted living or perhaps a nursing home setting.
2) Not Taking Medicines Correctly Or On Time
Sometimes it seems like the more we age, the more medications we pick up along the way.
As a dental hygienist, it’s part of my job to review my patient’s medical histories and I’m often shocked by how many medications people are taking.
This can be a huge problem for an elderly person.
Poor eyesight, cognitive issues, confusion and forgetfulness can lead to Your loved one taking too many pills or forgetting to take their medications entirely.
To illustrate: a lovely elderly woman in my dad’s senior living community was found sitting on her kitchen floor, staring into space after her worried nephew alerted the staff because he couldn’t get in touch with her.
She was diabetic and had just been diagnosed with shingles. Although she had taken her medications, one type was in a blister pack that reduced by one pill per day, every day for a week (Day 1 she took 5 pills, Day 2 she took 4 pills, etc).
She got confused about how to take them and was in pain from the shingles, so she took far more than she should have. The overdose of medications reacted with her blood sugar, sending her into diabetic shock. She spent a week in the hospital, recovering.
If she had been in an assisted living facility, it’s likely that a staff member would have been in charge of dispensing her medications. This would have eliminated her confusion over the complicated instructions.
Plus, ALF staff members are supposed to check on residents every two hours, so she would have likely been found and hospitalized much sooner.
3) Neglecting Self Care
If you or your siblings notice that your elderly loved one is neglecting their hygiene or not getting out of their pajamas for days, this could certainly be a sign of depression or cognitive decline and could warrant looking into changing their living environments.
If your aging loved one is not taking care of themselves – I strongly recommend that you speak to their doctor immediately.
4) Neglecting Basic Home Maintenance
The same goes if you notice that the home your loved one is living in is in a state of disrepair or simply not being kept clean and not livable.
The reasons for this situation need to be looked into to determine if he/she needs more taking care of than they are getting.
5) Forgetting To Turn Off The Stove Or Trouble Operate Other Appliances
I don’t know about you, but I’m guilty of leaving a stove burner on occasionally and I’m not even in my senior years yet.
Imagine how tough it might be for someone with cognitive issues. And what about the other appliances in the house?
Stove alarms are great for reminding your loved one that they’ve left a burner on, but if they are consistently leaving the stove or other appliances running, then your loved one may need more taking care of.
If your senior loved one has memory issues, the facility should provide meals and food service so they do not have to worry about kitchen safety.
And, what about fireplaces, the gas pilot lights on stoves or water heaters, or using the dryer? Even something as mundane as letting dryer lint build up can start a fire.
According to FEMA, $35 million a year in properly losses result from fires in dryer lint.
6) Trouble Getting Up From A Seated Position
Weak muscles and problems with balance can result in falls. And sometimes these weaknesses can mean that your loved one may have trouble getting up from a soft couch or bed.
My father was stubbornly independent, but when he began having trouble getting up from the couch at age 97, he got a folding chair to use instead.
This worked well until he lost his balance while getting up one night. The chair collapsed under him and he fell, ending up in the ER with back pain and a broken finger.
Dad was generally steady on his feet, but this is a good illustration of what can happen when someone has trouble getting up.
In an assisted living facility, aides are available for residents who need help rising from a seated position or transferring to a toilet, bed, or wheelchair.
7) Eating Spoiled Food
After my mom passed away, Dad lived by himself for a year. He refused to move out of their house which was located forty miles from me, so I called him frequently and I visited him weekly.
It wasn’t long before he started complaining of occasional diarrhea and an upset stomach. This didn’t happen all the time and a physical examination revealed no problems.
Slowly it dawned on me, however, that I was sometimes seeing the same lunch meat or milk in the refrigerator that had been there on the prior week’s visit.
I realized that Dad was occasionally eating food past it’s expiration date.
Even writing the “opened” date on the container didn’t help. In Dad’s mind, if the expiration date was – for example – two weeks in the future, that was the last date he could use the product.
He couldn’t grasp that food begins to spoil once the package has been opened.
When he eventually moved to a senior living apartment community that provided all his meals, his stomach issues never bothered him again.
8) Forgetting To Eat
Cognitive decline, anxiety, depression can all contribute to issues around your loved ones forgetting to eat.
An ALF facility may be able to provide the kind of structure that would best suit your loved one if they are not eating properly.
9) Forgetting To Pay Bills
If you notice that bills are piling up and late notices are starting to come in then it may certainly be time to consider helping your elderly loved ones with this task.
Living in an assisted living facility generally relieves them of having to deal with certain bills, such as those for utilities, cable, and insurance.
Of course, every individual person and circumstances are different. My father was still able to drive safely for the first year that he lived in an ALF so he still had to make care insurance payments.
10) Showing Signs Of Depression
Sometimes older people who are depressed appear to feel tired, have trouble sleeping, or seem grumpy and irritable. Confusion or attention problems caused by depression can sometimes look like Alzheimer’s disease or other brain disorders. Older adults also may have more medical conditions, such as heart disease, stroke, or cancer, which may cause depressive symptoms. Or they may be taking medications with side effects that contribute to depression.National Institute on Aging
When my grandmother turned 90, I remember being appalled when she said she was ready to die. As a young person, I couldn’t imagine having that outlook, but then she told me she was lonely.
The vast majority of her friends had passed away, as had all of her siblings and cousins.
If your senior loved one is living alone, it can make a world of difference in their health and outlook if they go into a senior living community or an assisted living facility.
There will be people around them and peers they can reminisce with about “the old days.”
Additionally, there will be activities designed to get your loved one out of their room and engage with others.
Keep in mind that the National Institute on Aging also says that “for older adults who experience depression for the first time later in life, the depression may be related to changes that occur in the brain and body as a person ages.”
If your loved one’s depression requires medication, many assisted living facilities (ALFs) provide medication management and some also offer skilled nursing care.
11) Becoming More Isolated
If you notice that your loved one is not going out with friends as much as they used to or if they are not going to church or participating in other activities that they used to do it may be that they are becoming more and more isolated at home.
This is especially true if they live alone.
Depression may be playing a part of that or it may be that their friends have moved away, they are unable to do the activities they used to enjoy or that it’s simply just too difficult to get out of the house.
In the study sponsored by the AARP, researchers from the University of Michigan surveyed a group of about 2,000 Americans ages 50 to 80. More than a third of seniors in the poll said they felt a lack of companionship at least some of the time, and 27% said they sometimes or often felt isolated; most of the people who said they lacked companionship also felt isolated, and vice versa. Almost 30% said they socialized with friends, family or neighbors once a week or less.Time.com
Whatever the issue is, if isolation is becoming a problem then moving to an ALF may help them with that.
Living in a building with others in your same age group and participating in activities that all residents are able to participate in can help to alleviate those feelings of loneliness.
12) Worsening Health Problems Or Slow Recovery From An Illness
There are some health related red flags that you should take notice of to let you know that your senior loved one needs more help than they used to.
Especially if they need more health care services than you can give or if you don’t live in the same city they do.
- Does it seem like it is taking your loved one longer to recover from a cold?
- Is their blood pressure or insulin levels constantly abnormal?
- Does something “minor” turn into something serious? (i.e. a cut or scrape becomes infected)
- Do they have a health condition such as COPD or congestive heart failure that is getting worse?
Many (not all) assisted living communities offer medication management and on site medical care. Some have physical therapy or food service.
These type of services allow your elderly loved one to live more independently than they would in a nursing home, while still getting the help they need.
Alternative To Nursing Home Or Assisted Living Facilities
All these 12 signs that I mentioned above may be definite signals that it’s time to start looking at some alternative living situations for your senior parents or loved one.
But if an assisted living community is not something that your loved one is willing to do then you may want to consider any of the other senior living options that are available today.
- Granny Pods
- Active adult communities
- Senior villages
- Senior co-housing
- Residential care homes
- Continuing care communities
- Nursing homes (this is normally for elderly with poor health conditions who require 24 hour care)
You can read more about these housing options in our article on Housing Options For Seniors 55 And Older.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can social security pay for assisted living?
While there is no straight yes or no answer, in general if a senior meets their state’s low income requirement and resides in an assisted living facility (or, in some states, an adult foster care home), they may be eligible to receive an Optional State Supplement (OSS) on top of their social security benefit.
This money is paid directly to the care facility. The amount varies based on the senior’s income and their state’s eligibility requirements. For the most accurate info, check the senior’s state here.
Does Medicare pay for assisted living?
Medicare does not pay for assisted living. If the senior needs medical care while living in an assisted living community, however, those medical expenses should be covered.
Also, if they have a Medicare Advantage plan, certain support services may possibly be covered (i.e: medical transportation services or personal care assistance). Check with their specific Medicare Advantage plan for the most accurate information.